Scariest tool ever

How to finish the stairs has been an ongoing source of brainstorming for Matt and me. We decided on carpet. Then regretted it and looked at other off-the-shelf (and outlandish) options and then went back to carpet.

But we really didn’t want carpet.

At Lowe’s we saw it: Poplar. There was not enough, but it was beautiful enough to convince us to nix carpet for the stairs.

On Monday, we headed to Home Depot after work and loaded up the truck with 12” wide boards totaling 96 feet (about $500 worth).

We began cutting the treads on Wednesday. This was no easy task. Between the ham-handed framers and Igor the non-perfectionist drywall installer, the walls on either side of the steps were far from even. For each, we had to measure the inside and outside width of that step, check for the crown of the board, cut it as far as the saw would allow, flip it and complete the cut, dry fit, adjust as needed and number.

We got the first 10 treads cut length-wise before calling it a night. I spent Thursday dreading the next round; I came home to a brown-out. No heat, no oven—but no power tools, either. Rest for the weary! Woo Hoo! The electric company fixed the problem around 10 p.m.

The tools came back out on Saturday, including a brand-new, $70 blade for Matt’s compound miter saw. We cut the remaining eight steps length-wise. Then came the fun part. Not! Ripping the treads for width. One of the contractors left his table saw behind. Score!

No free lunch. The tool lacked guarding, so as we guided each tread through, trying to keep the wood straight, our main concern was keeping our fingers clear of the spinning blade. This was the scariest tool we had ever used.

Ripping was followed by sanding was followed by coating each tread with Pro Finisher Universal sealer. By the end of the night, I was ready to throw up on my shoes from stress and exhaustion. Matt filled the bathroom with candles and the tub with warm, fragrant water.

By 8 a.m. today, I was ready to get back to work as Matt shoveled snow.

We had considered ebonizing the treads, but didn’t for a number of reasons. For one, my mother sounded skeptical, which made me imagine that heading downstairs might feel like plunging into a dark abyss. At Target, most of the furniture featured dark wood. “Ah-ha,” I said while running an errand, “ebonized wood is trendy. I don’t do trendy.”

When Matt and I recalled why we chose poplar to begin with: Every board is different. The colors range from light to green to red to almost black. We wanted the wood’s character to shine through, and are using clear, semi-gloss water-base polyurethane made for floors instead of stain.

We do not really have enough room for this project, so I stacked the treads, set up my tools, grabbed my spectacles and learned I’d need to coat, let dry, sand, coat again and then, after a 24-hour wait, sand and add one or two more coats. I almost cried. To distract myself, I practiced my goezintuhs. Three goes into 18 six times. That meant I had only coated 1/6 of the treads so far. Despair. Matt came in to see me working on the floor, hunched over and snarling “worst project ever” at the boards.

Noting that this surely wasn’t the worst project ever and reminding me we still had trim and tiling to do, Matt went on to save the day by setting up a work area for me using a large garbage can with the still-boxed tile saw on top, protected by a garbage bag and covered in a drop cloth. This meant carefully maneuvering each wet board to dry on the floor, but I’d be able to remain upright most of the time.

Two coats later, the treads are beautiful as they wait in the great room. Although we made progress (including a marathon cleaning, organizing and insulating session by Matt), we are far from reaching the goals set on Monday.

See, until we complete the stairs, Wes cannot install the railing. Until we stop spreading paint, poly and sawdust on the sub-flooring, Tony cannot install the carpet. Until we do this step, that step cannot happen…like a domino effect of damnation.

Renovation tip: It takes longer and costs more. Yes, even when you are doing it yourself. Be realistic about how much a “weekend warrior” can really accomplish. Make sure your team has the measuring skills, power tool prowess, stamina, strength and stick-to-it-ness. Me? I’ve envisioned running away from home several times since we started on the stairs, but instead I just keep working.